Inspiration for Mothering

I've been reading this amazing blog written by a woman who has raised 11 kids (she's the mother of a friend of a friend) ... she has some wonderful insights on raising children lovingly - connecting with them and helping them build their own internal moral compass without harsh discipline. Much of what she says flies in the face of many "mainstream" techniques (ie. Supernanny, Love and Logic etc), but it definitely makes sense and resonates with the desires I have to parent in this way... I often seem to lack the actual know-how to follow through with my "ideal," and so far I have found a lot of inspiring things on here. The best part is that it's written in a Q&A format, so you can actually write in specific questions if you want. Here is one sample of something she wrote today:

Motherhood took on a whole new meaning for me when I adopted a more proactive approach that was based on some basic goals. The two goals that I have as I raise little children are 1) to preserve and strengthen our relationship and 2) to develop their deep, inner feelings of right and wrong. When your children emerge from these early years and become teen-agers, you will want to have firmly established those two things. It isn’t the easiest method of parenting. It takes constant thought and focus. The focus is on building a strong bond of love, helping children to succeed at what you ask them to do, and teaching instead of constant disciplining.

Physical discipline is destructive when you consider both of those goals. Not only does it damage the relationship, but it absolves a child of responsibility for what they’ve done. They have paid for the crime so there is no need to feel sorrow for it. At best, it is a deterrent—and if our goal is just to produce acceptable outward behavior, then it’s useful. The motivation will be fear of punishment. But our goal is to develop our child from the inside out—the motivation being a desire to be good.

So if you have the desire to parent more lovingly, or just want some good ideas from a wise woman who has been in your shoes, click on over to Asking Jane!!!!!