Inspiration for Mothering

I've been reading this amazing blog written by a woman who has raised 11 kids (she's the mother of a friend of a friend) ... she has some wonderful insights on raising children lovingly - connecting with them and helping them build their own internal moral compass without harsh discipline. Much of what she says flies in the face of many "mainstream" techniques (ie. Supernanny, Love and Logic etc), but it definitely makes sense and resonates with the desires I have to parent in this way... I often seem to lack the actual know-how to follow through with my "ideal," and so far I have found a lot of inspiring things on here. The best part is that it's written in a Q&A format, so you can actually write in specific questions if you want. Here is one sample of something she wrote today:

Motherhood took on a whole new meaning for me when I adopted a more proactive approach that was based on some basic goals. The two goals that I have as I raise little children are 1) to preserve and strengthen our relationship and 2) to develop their deep, inner feelings of right and wrong. When your children emerge from these early years and become teen-agers, you will want to have firmly established those two things. It isn’t the easiest method of parenting. It takes constant thought and focus. The focus is on building a strong bond of love, helping children to succeed at what you ask them to do, and teaching instead of constant disciplining.

Physical discipline is destructive when you consider both of those goals. Not only does it damage the relationship, but it absolves a child of responsibility for what they’ve done. They have paid for the crime so there is no need to feel sorrow for it. At best, it is a deterrent—and if our goal is just to produce acceptable outward behavior, then it’s useful. The motivation will be fear of punishment. But our goal is to develop our child from the inside out—the motivation being a desire to be good.

So if you have the desire to parent more lovingly, or just want some good ideas from a wise woman who has been in your shoes, click on over to Asking Jane!!!!!

Swimming Suit Season

Are you ready for a good laugh? I was going through my swimming stuff this weekend - trying on my new suit to be sure I wanted to keep it and getting rid of old stuff. The boys had to get involved of course. They each picked out a suit to try on and insisted they get to wear them - so yes I'm the one who helped get them on, but this was THEIR idea!


Pretty groovy huh?! I guarantee they look cuter in them than I do! =)

Potty Success

I think it's safe to say that Eli is officially "potty trained." Believe me, there were moments when I thought it might not happen for another year, but looking back, it really was pretty easy. We took it slow in the beginning... there were several months of starts and stops, experimenting with underwear and pee puddles all over the house, but our "official" start was somewhere around two months ago. I should have kept a log =). We switched to underwear completely for the daytime, cold turkey. I took Eli potty every couple of hours, and it went great. He rarely had an accident, and was dry overnight as well (though we kept him in a cloth diaper overnight "just in case" until this week).

Poop was another story, however. For the first three weeks, he pooped in his underwear every single day. He would always hide when he did it, and refuse any of my attempts to get him to try on the potty. We promised him Hiro the train (from Thomas and Friends) if he did it, and finally one day I just happened to catch him mid-business and he was able to have a small success on the potty. We jumped for joy, high-fived, called daddy and grandma, ate chocolate, and drove to the store to buy his train.... then he felt like he had achieved his goal and quit trying again for nearly two weeks!

Then one day the stars aligned or something and I happened to get him on the potty at the right time, and he did it! We celebrated again and immediately hung up a new "poop chart" with a picture of his next coveted train (he was of the mindset that each time he pooped he would get a train - I needed a visual for him that THIS time he needed to go more than once before getting his prize). The next couple of days involved a few accidents and a few successes, but mostly overcoming his fear of going on the potty. And finally it all clicked into place. It was like once he felt comfortable pooping on the potty, he was suddenly able to be in charge of all of his potty needs - meaning I was able to completely stop reminding him to go, and try to encourage him to go throughout the day. He now tells me whenever he needs to go, which means I have to jump up immediately from whatever I'm doing, but hey, that's ok! He still needs help with his clothes and getting up on the potty, but I'm sure that will come in time.

It's so funny to me at how watching my child learn to master the potty and being involved in helping him feels like such a major victory, but it does! And not just because I don't have to change diapers or messy undies anymore, but I feel honest, true joy at his success and seeing how proud and happy he is to have learned such a tricky process. I loved listening to him excitedly recount to his dad "first I was scared, then I was brave, then I took a deep breath like this, then it came out and I pooped!" I just love my Eli!

The Chart

Eli with "Spencer" the final prize.

Seconds before Owen destroys the track...

Scary Dream

Eli has been having nightmares here and there lately, and they seem to be recurring... He comes into our room at some point almost every night, and some of the time will tell us that he is scared because of a "scary tree" that has either fallen on him or chased him. One night last week, he uncharacteristically got up and started wandering the dark hallway, sobbing. When Brad went to get him, he got hysterical (also unusual since he usually comes to Brad when he wakes up in the night). I got up and was able to comfort him and take him back to his own bed, where he fell asleep. The next morning I talked to him about it. I pointed out that he had been crying in the night because he was scared, and I asked if he remembered why... this is the story I got:

There was a big, scary tree. And I was alone. And I was sad, because I can't find you. Then at last, I was home. And you were sleeping in the bed! (Eli, age 3 yrs 3 months).

I could not contain my giggles at his exceptional re-telling! I of course have sympathy for him, because I was plagued by nightmares and fear of the dark throughout my childhood (probably until 12 or so!) - I think it comes from an active imagination. Anyway, I really don't know what initiated the scary tree, but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of it!

***Edited to Add: I didn't make it clear in the first paragraph that Eli is NOT having nightmares every night... he IS coming into our room every night, but I think just because he gets cold or lonely or what have you.... what I mean by recurring nightmare is that when he does have them, it's always about this said tree. So yes, I feel bad for him for having any night time fear, but at the moment it is not at all excessive. What most struck me about this dream was how he narrated it, which I thought was funny.

So Sweet

I love it when I catch my boys being sweet... like the other morning when I woke up to see this next to me:


And this evening when Owen insisted he bring a baby into the tub and proceeded to love on it... then Eli wanted in as well and took over washing the baby's hair, "helping" it sit up, and chattering away about how "cute" his little tiny baby is.






One minute these kids have me tearing out my hair (ie. read Dumpster Diving post) and the next minute they are melting my heart!

Dumpster Diving

I couldn't find my cell phone the other day, so I used Brad's phone to call it. It took me a few minutes to locate the ringing - it was coming from the bottom of our deep kitchen garbage can. Owen has been fascinated with opening and closing the garbage can lately, but I hadn't realized he was throwing things in it! While rescuing my phone, I also came across a few of the kids' balls, stuffed animals and cars down in there, which got me thinking.... we'd been missing a few wooden balls from their pound and roll toy, so this morning I went through the full bag of garbage that had already been placed in the garage. Sifting through smelly garbage in search of mystery lost items is really not my idea of a party! The good news is, I found the balls - along with a bib, some of MY socks, eye shadow, some cars, a bird, wooden farm beads, and a necklace. The bad news is, I think I finally know what happened to our Cars and Thomas Train dvds, as well as two more pound and roll balls that have been gone for a while.... I think those are gone forever in the dump somewhere! So now my kitchen garbage is up on top of the counter until I can get something to secure the lid with. Good times!


Though I don't have pictures for this one, Owen's other fixation is the toilet... apparently he has seen me rinsing cloth diapers in it because he keeps throwing clothing, rags, clean diapers, shoes, mirrors, toys and various other items in it whenever he can. He is dangerous to have in the bathroom when I'm trying to help Eli use the toilet, because that's inevitably when he gets to it while I'm tied up helping his brother. Mischevious is his middle name!

Fat Lip

Owen is my little daredevil. He has had more bloody lips and bonked heads than I can count, and yet he is never deterred from danger. I have to keep a close eye on him, and even then he manages to get hurt.

On Monday we had a busy morning - Owen had a well check at the Dr's office, then we went to the store, then to visit a friend in the hospital. Owen ended up with only a 10 minute nap in the car, so maybe the lack of sleep affected his coordination. When we got home, we were inside the house for less than a minute before he managed to fall face first onto the tile floor while pushing a little toy. There was much crying and blood, as he nearly put his teeth through his top lip! Thankfully, nursing right away will stop the bleeding of any mouth injury because there was no way he was going to suck on a rag or anything of the sort. Within minutes, he was up and at it again, rough housing with Eli in the new tent and tunnel that we finally got from a Christmas exchange (thanks Grandma and Grandpa B.!). He had a nice fat lip, and the next day it turned completely purple from the inside out. It's only been 4 days, but the bruise is already fading - amazing how the human body works!

By the way, his well check when great. He's officially 27 pounds, and a genius, lol. He scores in the 24 to 26 month range in language, fine and gross motor, and right about 16 to 18 months for social something or other (I don't remember the exact name of that part of the scale). It was his 15 month check, though he turns 16 months this week. We love you O man!

It Lives!

My camera is back! And it seems to be working this time! Here are a few pics from this week... haven't you missed these?

One day during Owen's nap, Eli wanted to play baby. We pretended he was my newborn and I held and rocked him and said sweet things... then he wanted to be wrapped. So we took a bunch of funny pics of ourselves and laughed together. It was a nice day.

My little artists!

Finally, pictures of my heart-attacked car!Owen's various stylish looks - First, peanut butter face.

Next, super bed head.

And of course, the pink and black beads (thanks Aunt Aubrey)!

I LOVE it when Daddy comes home - as soon as the boys hear the garage door open they head for the stairs shrieking "Daddy's home!" It's our favorite part of the day! Poor guy had to go back and forth from work this entire weekend... it was tiring but at least we managed to get him to church and home for dinner!

My little helper.

PS - Eli go to say the prayer in Primary today for the first time... it was one of those moments that had me welling up. We was so brave and went right on up there in front of all those big scary kids and said a sweet little prayer. I couldn't really hear him, but I felt wonderfully proud of him anyway!

Potty Updates and Funnies

I have slacked off on this blog in a major way! I don't even know why... I've been thinking that maybe my life right now as compared to last year is just comfortable rather than adventurous or exciting, haha. Unless you count the adventures in potty training and taking care of sick kids, and then getting sick yourself and still having to take care of kids! I felt more motivated to blog when I got to talk about things like Boston, New York, DC, Cape Cod etc. I'm sure Missouri has some hidden gems out here that we just need to get busy uncovering. At least it is finally starting to warm up!

I AM excited to say that Eli is potty learning like a champ! I thought he might NEVER poop on the potty, and Brad and I even joked that it would probably take him a year considering his stubbornness over other issues (ie. solid food, sleeping through the night, drinking from a cup which he still refuses... you get the idea). Anyway, one day two weeks ago I happened to catch him at just the right time and he was able to go just a little. We celebrated and bought a train... and he felt he had accomplished what he needed and refused to try again for another week... then we had another lucky day, and now he's up to 4 poops on the potty this week! He has a special poop chart he puts stickers on, and we made it with five boxes... he gets another train when he fills up the chart (though I should have made it with more boxes... I thought he might be stubborn about it and now I can't believe I have to buy a second train this month). Anyway, the next chart will have to be like a month's worth so we don't go broke, lol. But I'm so proud of him and he's been so proud of himself! I love calling Daddy together to make the big announcement everytime he's successful =). So he is totally diaper free, even at night, and has been for a month... and now I'm very nearly free of poop cleanup duty. It's amazing how easy having only one child's diapers to tend to seems to me now, haha.

While I'm finally blogging, I thought I'd post some of the funny things the kids have said lately. They really do keep me laughing and bring a sparkle to the days around here! At three, Eli comes up with the most hilarious things, and Owen's emerging grasp of language really cracks me up too.

Eli:
"Mommy, some dinosaurs poop in the potty and some dinosaurs poop in the plants."

(While trying on my bracelet) "I'm wearing a bracelet - like a girl... when I turn a girl I will be a mom!"

"When I grow up I'm gonna be a baby... but I'm not a baby yet!"

Eli is really fascinated with pregnancy and birth - he has two aunts expecting babies soon and talks about it a lot. He often tells me he has a baby in his tummy. During one such conversation, I asked him where his baby was going to come out. He looked himself over and said "This little TINY hole!" while pointing to his belly button.

While walking around with his eyes closed - "I can't see, but I'm still walking!"

One day out of the blue he says "Oh no! Daddy's lost!" We had to call Daddy at work to confirm he was not lost and would be home for dinner.

Another random comment - "Oh no! I need more seashells for my collection!' I had no idea he had a collection, or knew what one was!

I was sitting on the floor and Eli was on the couch - he looks at me and says I'm going to give you a blessing (puts his hands on my head) - "Heavy Fader, take you this day, eat the food and bless the food, Jesus Christ AYYYMeeeen!"

I drove through a puddle one day and Eli says "That was a might splash!" I think he picked that one up from Thomas the Train... he also likes to say "Thomas is applying his brakes" while playing trains.

When upset and crying he will yell "I need a binky in my mouth!"

He is very into understanding emotions right now, and identifying facial expressions of others, as well as noting what he is feeling. He frequently changes his face and tells me "I'm cross" or "I'm grumpy" or "Look, I'm happy now!" He will also tell me "I can't, I'm busy!" in a cross tone of voice when I ask him to do something - oops that one could be my fault =). He also likes to tell me that he is frus-us-strating (frustrated).

*Warning - next comment involves the word "Nipple"
Brad was working late one day when we were all sick... I was worn out so I took a bath with the kids to kill two birds with one stone. When we got out, I was dressing and Eli points to himself and says "These are my nipples." Then he observes, "You have big nipples." Nice... I agreed and quickly put my shirt on. He notices and says "Oh, you keep them safe. So they don't get lost... so no one tries to STEAL them!" Hopefully this is not offensive, but I got a good laugh from that one. I don't know how they'd get lost or stolen, but obviously he realizes they are special, haha.

Owen:
When anything gets on his hand he says "Oh! Binger!" (finger)

When he gets covered with a blanket, or can't stand up quickly, or anything happens to restrict his freedom of movement he starts yelling "oh duck! duck!" (stuck)

He lets me know everytime he is pooping by announcing "oh! Poop!" And then adds "steeky" (stinky) when he's done.

Owen LOVES to stir up trouble by looking Eli in the eye and saying simply "Miiiiiiiinnnne!" no matter what Eli is holding. It sends him through the roof every single time!

He learned how to say "Nuhse" (nurse), so now asks me in plain English when he wants it. I am not ashamed of extended breastfeeding, but I don't really like to announce to every one in ear shot that I'm still nursing my 16 month old. I never had to really deal with that with Eli because he called it "some" or would just give me a look. Owen doesn't care where we are, he'll just start announcing "Nuhse, Nuhse!" when he wants it (usually just at naptime though thank goodness). What's realy cute though is when I repeat back to him "oh, you want to nurse?" he gets a sheepish yet gleeful smile and says "Okay!" and immediately jumps into position. Once at a friend's house I was getting him set up to nurse and he completely lifts my shirt and says "OFF!" That was a new one and I was glad I was at a breastfeeding friendly friend's house!

When he doesn't want to fall asleep at night, he will start asking to "Wap" (wrap) meaning he wants me to get up and wrap him instead of laying there. I fell for it a few times, feeling overjoyed that he was requesting the wrap... only to realize it was just his sneaky way of trying to delay bedtime. What a stinker... they learn so early....

Cuddit (carrot)

Rek Rah (breakfast)