Weaned

It's official - my "baby" nursed for the last time just over two weeks ago. And I mean Eli, not Owen. It's funny, when I first got pregnant with him I was shocked to discover that you were "supposed" to breastfeed for 12 months. I couldn't really imagine it - I thought I'd hang in there for six and see what happened. I guess you could say it's been quite the journey for me, but that's what motherhood is about I guess. I will never forget the first time he nursed - shortly after delivery I was holding him skin to skin and trying to get set up to try it when my little minutes-old baby lifted up his own head, aimed, and latched himself right on! My mom and Brad as my witnesses - it was amazing! The first two months were a challenge though - I struggled with engorgement, oversupply, and unexplainable excruciating pain! I visited with a lactation consultant to work on Eli's latch, and finally figured out on my own that I probably had thrush and proceeded to treat it with GSE and acidophilus. That did the trick, and from then on it was smooth sailing. Eli was a baby in love with nursing, and I loved it too. It is a special feeling to be able to feed a hungry baby, and to soothe the bumps and bruises and emotional roller coasters of early toddlerhood. There were challenges for sure - Eli enjoyed nursing through the night until he was over 14 months old. He also never took to a bottle and was very slow to accept solid foods, so I couldn't be far from him for very long. But these 2 1/2 years have gone so fast that I haven't had time to regret it at all.

As for how I decided to nurse him this long, it just sort of evolved that way. We made it to the one year mark, and I realized that it was such an arbitrary number for weaning. I couldn't imagine the trauma and tears of inexplicably taking away something that meant so much to him. Plus, breastmilk was still a huge source of his nutrition. I figured I'd keep on and re-acess at 18 months. Then, I got pregnant with Owen. This brought up so many questions - do I wean immediately? Soon? Ever? Again I couldn't bring myself to just cut him off, but I more actively helped him to cut back simply because I was nauseas and exhausted. The first OB I saw in AZ found out I was nursing, and seemed mortified. "That is NOT recommended" he announced. Well whatever, I'd at least read enough La Leche League literature that I knew that wasn't true. It may not be COMMON in our culture, but there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding during pregnancy. At least the midwives out here (both at the hospital and my homebirth midwives) were totally unphased by it. I figured that weaning would naturally occur at some point before Owen was born. My milk dried up around the 4th or 5th month, and Eli cut back to nursing just before nap and bedtime with a little extra during times of illness or stress, but even the lack of milk was not enough to make him want to give it up completely. I figured I wouldn't push the issue until after the move. During the stress of the roadtrip and the move, I was so grateful for the comfort and easy sleep inducement that nursing provided. As 18 months came and went, I realized that in so many ways Eli was still a baby. If you've never had the opporutnity to nurse a young toddler, I'd give it a chance! I mean it - when those inexplicable and ucontrollable tantrums hit, all I'd have to do was offer a "nursie" and he would accept - it always led to an immediate and complete attitude adjustment. And with the exhaustion of pregnancy, it was always nice to be able to get my active little guy to sit still with me for a while. Learning to nurse around the growing belly was a fun challenge too, and I've got some cute pictures of it (though I think I'll forgo posting them). As for those who worry about the embarassment or social implications of nursing a toddler or baby who can "talk" - it was really never an issue. The times I nursed him were at home, so it wasn't like we were out in the public eye. And he didn't start actually SAYING "please nurse" until recently, and again that was at home at bedtime and not at the grocery store.

One special nursing memory was the night Owen was born. I had just had a beautiful birth experience, along with nursing Owen for the first time. Several hours later (we had Owen at home) Eli woke up and came into our room. He cuddled next to me in our bed and I nursed him back to sleep just as usual. Then all four of us spent Owen's first night alive cuddled together in our bed. More recently, I nursed Eli just before bed, and afterwards he said "Thanks mama! Yummy noose (nurse)!" Now if that doesn't warm a mother's heart then I don't know what does! I also look back fondly on nursing during his first year - the cuddles, grunts, gazing into my eyes and patting my chest or holding my finger, gummy smiles etc. It was a very important and positive part of our relationship.

As for the weaning process, I guess you could say that weaning really began when I got pregnant with Owen, and has taken a slow course until now. When we moved here, I started attending La Leche League meetings and met other mothers who had nursed through pregnancy, and then "tandem nursed" both children. The idea became less strange to me, and I found the support I needed to continue the course I felt was best. Eli was down to only nursing at nap and bedtime when Owen was born. When my milk came in, he was overjoyed and increased his nursing again to several times a day. It was taxing at times, but I also really believe that it helped him with the transition of becoming a brother and having to share his mom. He would often point when Owen was nursing and say "Owen's noose" then point to the other side and say "E-I's noose." He also liked to put his face right next to Owen and pretend he was nursing at the same time. Before Owen was two months old, I was able to get Eli back to just bedtime nursing. I worked on getting him to nurse, then lay down and hold my hand to fall asleep instead of nursing to sleep. This went pretty smoothly and continued on for several months. There would be nights when he'd fall asleep without it, so I knew he was capable. Then two weeks ago he had 3 nights in a row of falling asleep without nursing (once on the couch watching a movie, once talking to grandma on the phone, once while we were out hiking late). So the 4th night when I took him to bed and he asked to nurse, I told him we weren't going to do it tonight. He burst into tears and started sobbing as if his heart was broken. I was mostly testing the waters and had no intention of letting him cry on and on if he really wanted it. But I asked if I could cuddle and tell him a story about a mouse (his latest obsession) and he quit crying immediately and cuddled up. Ever since that's been our bedtime routine! He has still asked for it again here and there, and still pretends to nurse next to Owen, or will ask to cuddle or kiss the nursies, but no more tears at all. So, I know he was ready. And it's been a bittersweet feeling! In some ways a relief that he doesn't have to rely on a nurse for his bedtime routine (but the story telling actually takes LONGER to put him to sleep than the nursing did!), and sad that he has outgrown the need for something so central to our relationship for so long. I guess that's always how it feels when our kids are growing up. And it's funny, my six month "maximum" has turned into a two year "minimum." I really can't envision nursing a baby less than 18 months to 2 years anymore!

So why am I sharing this personal story? Mainly to document a major milestone, but also to avoid being a "closet nurser." Now if any of you ever find yourself not wanting to immediately wean your baby at a year, or you are unexpectedly pregnant and nursing, you can say "hey I knew someone who did that" and you don't have to feel so weird =). Two good books I recommend about the topic: Adventures in Tandem Nursing and Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.

FYI. If you like the experts to back you up, the World Health Organization actually recommends breastfeeding for two years minimum and thereafter as long as desired; the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends one year minimum and thereafter as long as desired. =)